Posted on October 3, 2023
Posted by Athena Scalzi
I read one book in 2020, one book in 2021, one book in 2022, and so far in 2023, I have read one book. This makes me kind of sad. I’ve talked about it on here before, but I used to love reading when I was younger, and ever since I became an adult, I really just don’t do it at all. That’s not what I want for myself. I want to read books! Why does it have to be so difficult?
It’s so easy on paper (ha), but bringing myself to actually sit down and read is a tall order. I wish it wasn’t so hard, and I know the only way I’ll get better about it is if I try. I have to put in the effort to consistently make time to sit down and read, and work on actually making myself read a damn book. It’s some huge, unmanageable task in my head, but I know it wouldn’t be so bad if I just did it.
Funny enough, this goes for any hobby I’ve ever had. It’s why I don’t have any hobbies. Everything, even if it seems enjoyable (like reading), is just too difficult to do. Things that are supposed to be relaxing activities just seem like a mission or like a task that needs to be done and stresses me out. I have so much anxiety and guilt and stress built up around reading, no matter what it is I’m reading.
The only time I can seem to bring myself to read is on a plane, or on a cruise. Because I have no internet. That really is what it comes down to, it seems. I really am one of those people that chooses Tik Tok over reading, and then watches Tik Toks over books, watches the reviews and recommendations, then adds the books they suggest to some list, knowing full well I’ll always pick the screen over the paper. And reading books on my phone isn’t really an option, either, because I’ll just open a different app than iBooks. I just can’t bring myself to do it.
I’m so sad! I want to read! I’m missing out on so many good books! How do I fix this? Am I going to be like this forever? I keep thinking I’ll get better but it’s been almost a decade. I keep thinking, “start small, you don’t have to read a whole novel, try some short stories or a novella” and I still can’t do it. I can’t even read long posts on Facebook or the extra long posts they have on Twitter now. If it’s more than a paragraph, it’s not fucking happening. I’m amazed you all read my posts because I sure as hell wouldn’t be able to.
Someone please fix my brain.
-AMS