Alan van Capelle said he was “living the dream” with his husband and two children, a life he once thought was out of reach for someone like him.
Alan van Capelle spends a lot of time trying to foster equality and a sense of belonging as the executive director of Friends of the High Line, the nonprofit that oversees the park’s operations.
“There are very few places in the city where everyone can be surrounded by museum quality art, botanical gardens and performance space, regardless of their economic means,” said Mr. van Capelle, 48, who is responsible for raising $20 million annually so that more than seven million people can visit the 1 ½ mile-long West Side public park each year, free of charge.
He grew up on Commack, Long Island, and is now living a life he never thought possible as a Jewish, biracial, gay man. “You either died early of AIDS or were alone, abandoned by family,” he said. “I’m living the dream because I never knew I could have a husband and two kids.”
Mr. van Capelle was one of the lead architects of the marriage equality campaign in New York, and is married to Matthew Morningstar, 48, an executive vice president at LPL Financial, a financial services firm in Manhattan. They live in a two-bedroom on the Lower East Side with their sons Patrick, 9, and Ethan, 12, whom they adopted at birth.
Rise and Snooze I’m an anxious person and a creature of order. I feel life favors the prepared. During the week I’m up at 5:45 a.m., so I give myself an extra 30 minutes on Sundays to sleep, which is a treat. Matt snuggles me for eight minutes until the snooze alarm on my iPhone goes off. Every morning I look at Matt, then at the sky and say, “Amen.”
Coffee, iPads, Cheerios Matt stays in bed. I get the papers — The New York Times, The Daily News and The Wall Street Journal, which are at our front door. Then I down a double shot of Paris Espresso made on our Nespresso. The kids get up at around 7:30. There are hugs and requests to use their iPads since they don’t use them during the week. We start with Cheerios peppered with chocolate chips, or I’ll pick up pastries or scones from Ost Cafe. Matt wakes up at 7:45 or 8. I’ll make him a coffee.
Worship and Waffles By 8:30 we’re in our white Chevy Traverse, and we head to St. Francis Xavier, our bi-denominational church on 16th Street between Fifth and Sixth Avenues. I’m Jewish; Matt was raised Catholic. One of my favorite moments is the statement we make walking in together as a gay family so people can’t deny we exist.
We haven’t had a real breakfast, so we go to the Hollywood Diner. It’s super convenient because it’s across the street. Sometimes our niece or friends join. The boys have waffles or pancakes. Matt has a healthy egg white thing. I vacillate with an egg white, spinach and mushroom omelet, or turkey burger.
Hot Pink Inspiration If we’re not running errands for the kids — Paragon Sports or arts supplies at Blick — we do a cultural activity, the Cloisters or MET, but usually it’s the Whitney. I love contemporary art. My shoulders come down when I’m there. I live for the moment when I look at art and feel something. It’s like a drug. I love watching my kids look at art, which prompts and inspires good conversations. “What’s the girl in the picture thinking?” “What’s her relationship to the other person in the picture?”
We might get a snack for the kids and a glass of wine for us. Then we hit the High Line. I’m currently in love with Swiss born artist Pamela Rosenkranz’s “Old Tree,” which we just unveiled. It’s hot pink and breathtaking.
Reading, Then Games We’re home by 3. I’ll do laundry. Matt goes online. The kids like comic books and graphic novels. Ethan is reading the “Star Wars: Dark Droids” series and Patrick is into the Marvel Comics series. Since Ethan doesn’t have a soccer game or track meet right now, Matt will take him to Luther Gulick Park, which is around the corner, to play basketball. Patrick and I might play Uno, Rummikub or Spinners, which is a tile game. I wasn’t a game person growing up, but Matt converted me.
Candlelight Dinner Around 6 we order steamed pork dumplings, chicken and broccoli, and an egg roll from Wa Lung Kitchen, our local Chinese restaurant. When one of us goes to pick up the food, we get Patrick — who is allergic to peanuts — pepperoni pizza from Alphonso’s. We set the table kitchen and I light candles. We currently have 10 candles going. I’m a big fan of Pomegranate + Currant from Paddywax.
Drinks and Calendars After dinner, the boys take a bath or shower and put on their PJs. Matt and I make cocktails. It’s ritualistic and needed. Right now we’re drinking Manhattans, perfect, equal parts of iced cold sweet and dry vermouth, with a Luxardo cherry. I’m a lot easier with one because we’re going to do our “calendaring” conversation. There’s negotiating and horse trading as we go through our schedule — when each of us is traveling, who has a work event, what projects or activities do the kids have, do we need an extra sitter. We are more Lucy and Ethel in the chocolate factory as we try to organize the next two weeks.
The Shows At 8 we pause and watch TV with the kids. Right now it’s “Modern Family” reruns. Then the kids say their prayers, which we do together. Once they’re in bed, Matt and I finish calendaring. Then we watch TV. We finished the Julia Child mini-series on Netflix, which was great, and we’re almost done with “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.”
Books and a Puzzle By 10:00 I say good night to Matt, who is still watching TV. I take out the kids’ clothing for Monday so it’s ready for them, make sure the school iPads are charging and set the table for breakfast. I get in bed and pick up a book. I just finished “In Memoriam” by Alice Winn. It’s spectacular. Now I’m reading “The Great Money Reset” by my friend Jill Schlesinger. Matt comes in with the paper. I get a second wind. He does The Times’ crossword puzzle. He’s the lead, but he asks me questions so I’m brought into that.
Good Luck, and Good Night By 11:00 it’s lights out. There’s more snuggling. Each night we have a ritual. I take his hand, which is on my head, and he taps my head five times, one for each of us and one for good luck. I’m not sure how it started or why, but I’m so grateful for having that, and him, and this life with our kids.
Sunday Routine readers can follow Alan van Capelle on Instagram @avancapelle.